tribes & identify crisis

According to the Bible, we are “All one in Christ Jesus”.

Our identity – what we believe – comes from our family, our tribe, or who we identify with. Our decisions are made based on those beliefs. Our actions reflect our decisions.

A recent example :
I met a wonderful married couple who are originally from Kenya, now living in the US.
They were quick to identify themselves as being from different tribes, from different parts of the country. They originally met at university, and went on to describe the character traits customary for their respective tribes. These traits were the basis for their identities, and their character. They self described using the traits their tribe is known for. They leaned into each other’s strengths and were certain of their own identity, as both individuals and as a couple.

Our church community and family of believers “should” offer solid character traits for followers. These should be easily identifiable for all followers of Jesus.

Why is it so hard to recognize Christians? And hard to believe people when they claim to be a Christian?

The way I read it, the fruits of the spirit are evident in all believers of Christ. (Or should be.)
And, the greatest commandment:

“the greatest of these is love.”

If – our identity is the foundation for our thoughts; our decisions and actions are the result of our thoughts-
And we are not seeing evidence in the people and communities around us,

then- we have an identity crisis.

Knowledge about Jesus and even belief in the kingdom of God is not enough.
We must build our identity in the truth – the Bible and what we know is true.
Our church (our tribe of choice) cements our beliefs and we “become one with” the family of believers. We, the church, need a firmer and more secure identity as Christians.

That is not possible if we criticize each other – pick apart denominations, customs and practices.
Focusing on the differences keeps us from seeing ourselves as “All One in Christ Jesus.“
No one wants to tie themselves to any group that is different, and our nature is to protect ourselves and look for flaws, cracks, lies& differences.

When we separate our Sunday selves from our businesses and sports and schools, using the methods and techniques of the world to run our lives instead of Biblical truth, it appears fractured and inconsistent. Even fraudulent.

So how do we reach the unbelievers (the skeptics who naturally question things) when our church body is so fragmented? How can unbelievers build and adopt their identity in Christ, when we believers are so fragmented?

This is an election year, our country is more divided than ever and divided about more topics than ever.

Tribal behavior is human behavior, and everyone wants to belong and identify with their kind. We seek similar people – creating new tribes.

Social media has added increased exposure to everyone’s opinions, and allows us to find our tribes. Or influence those seeking tribes.

How much thought is going into the foundational core values of our families, our tribes? Our core families are broken – divorce , working parents, our diluted culture. As we diversify in our communities, and gladly accept one another, are we skipping an important component?

How do we help one another identify and name our beliefs, our Stated values , so we can Fix our eyes on Jesus and love one another- The most important thing?

”By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”“
‭‭John‬ ‭13‬:‭35‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/jhn.13.35.NIV

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Is it the truth?
Is it fair to all concerned?
Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

Elementary School Patriotism, circa 1975-76

 

I pledge allegiance to the flag of

the UNITED States of America,

And to the REPUBLIC for which it stands

ONE NATION

UNDER GOD

INDIVISIBLE

with LIBERTY

and JUSTICE

FOR ALL.

 

My country tis of thee, sweet land of LIBERTY.

Of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrims pride

from every mountainside,

LET FREEDOM RING

 

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. —That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

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“Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

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And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you —

ask what you can do for your country.

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I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

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These are the verses I remember from my elementary school days. I am proud that I remembered almost all of them correctly. I am sad to think how many people would not recognize these, much less be able to recite them.

I wasn’t alive before the civil war, or during our country’s ugly time of segregation, or born into a family of wealth that shielded me from life’s realities. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. I remember Jimmy Carter, gas shortages, and trouble with Iran. Russia was our enemy.

I grew up in an area where everyone worked hard to make a living. Color didn’t matter; ethnic background didn’t matter. We weren’t thin skinned, because everyone was treated according to their character. Polaks, Jews, Krauts, Wops, Spics, Catholics, Methodist, Baptists, Blacks, Whites, Gingers, Half Breeds. None of those terms are pleasant, yet they don’t bother me. I lived diring the “sticks and stones” era. I also remember people to be proud of their family heritage- while actively patriotic in their American identity. My mixed up family taught me that integrity and character were how we are judged, and we should let God be the judge of others. My view of being an American is being a good neighbor, supporting your family, working hard and contributing to the country by raising good kids, serving at church, school, and the military.

I grew up  in the aftermath of the horror and sadness for the deaths of President Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Vietnam was ending and emotions were raw.  I’m glad I was a kid back then. In spite of the troubled times, it taught me a lot. I heard a lot of conflicting views. It wasn’t easy. There were bullies at school, no one worried overmuch about my self esteem. There were flaws in the system, both school and government. Yet, the overall attitude was still one of pride in our country, as the greatest nation on earth. After all, we were the first to land on the moon….

The national celebration during the July 4th, 1976 was huge. Parades, baseball, apple pie- things certainly weren’t perfect in the 70’s, but what decade hasn’t had it’s issues? It was instilled in me, even as my elders debated and argued about policy and details. Civility was practiced- not in words that were used (no one was overly “cultured” or “polite” in their language)  but in action. I  was taught why our nation was special, and I witnessed the character of and respect of the people who believed it. People valued community, hard work, and believed in the American Dream.

I grew up knowing I could do anything, if I worked hard and was a little bit lucky. My public school education prepared me for college or trade school. I was free to work and live as I chose, but I must be a good person and good citizen, or there are consequences.  My upbringing taught me a few important things: Work hard, save for a rainy day. Respect authority. Pay your taxes. Don’t shame your family name. We will go to Hell for sin, so don’t.

I know I’m fortunate- and maybe my glasses are a bit rose colored. I’m curious how our youth today will reflect back on their upbringing. How many verses will they remember, about the things that matter? And, will they be grateful?

 

 

Always Play Up

Warren Buffet is a fountain of wisdom.

Play up

It’s been my life. I spent my childhood chasing after my older brother, trying to keep up and compete with boys four years older than I.
(It makes me laugh when women complain about inequality or being treated unfairly.)
Playing up is simply playing with those at a level higher level, with the goal of improving faster. I did it by playing baseball with the older boys. I struck out a lot. When I switched to organized sports, playing softball; I became the MVP. I was quicker, stronger, and more aggressive. When I was significantly better than my teammates, I moved to an older team, to play up.
As a child, I had the wonderful experience of “playing up” by starting a student council for my middle school. I was blessed to be mentored by a smart person who pushed me out if my comfort zone. He sent me to the high school to watch and learn. I returned, wrote the charter, and arranged the inaugural elections for our school.
It was a great lesson.

Warren Buffet’s wisdom about surrounding myself with those better than I is a way of life for me. I always want to shoot higher, push myself, grow more. There is no downside to “playing up ” at work, in sports, with people. Pride, can be an obstacle, which needs to be demolished anyway. It may be hard, but I will drift toward a better version of myself.

If I do, I should be situated to give back more. And that is the point.

Decency for President – Max Lucado

https://maxlucado.com/decency-for-president/

Civility & Manners

The end of the civil war, was the commencement of a new nation, “one nation, under God, indivisible. ”
April 9, 1865, General Lee formally surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia to General Grant, at Appomattox, Virginia, after 4 yearsof bloody civil war.
I am inspired tonight by a documentary recently on PBS,  “Civil War”… episode 8, Robert E. LEE surrenders, ending 4 years of bloody battles.

This moment highlights an important part of our history as a nation. Lincoln set the tone for re-integrating both sides back into one productive nation with graciousness and good manners.
Grant was intentionally gracious. Intentional, because he respected his opponent, and recognized the benefits to all. Lee’s skill as a commander nearly won the war for the South. Both men were exceptional leaders, who set aside their personal pride and any emotion to represent their country and do their job. Manners and gracious behaviour make it easier for all, and set the bar high for others to follow.
As the vanquished soldiers of the southern armies turn in their arms, the victorious Yankee army salute them. It was a sign of respect,  and allowed the losing side to move on with dignity. Lincoln intended to unite the country after the war, and recognized the difficulties that were ahead. The first step was in treating each other with civility, and with respect.

This week was the 9th Republican party debate. Down to 6 candidates, for the 2016 presidential election. It was a boxing match, sans gloves. A bare knuckle match that spilled blood. Ugly to watch, though some seem to think necessary. Hardly civil, and these candidates are on the same side. We haven’t even gotten past the primaries yet.

This follows Superbowl 50. The Denver Broncos beat Carolina Panthers in a defensive match that surprised many. The half time show featured Cold Play, Bruno Mars, and Beyonce.
At the end of it all, the news highlights and talk are only about two things: Cam Newton’s sulky behavior after the game,  and Beyoncé’s “tribute ” to Black Panthers. Cam Newton has incredible talent and a reputation for being a showboat,  with end zone celebrations and taunting his opponents. He is not a gracious winner, nor a good loser.
Beyonce is also known for her incredible talent,  and now,  by using the most watched tv show of the year to promote her personal message(s), has hijacked the spotlight for herself,  rather than simply entertain. Millions of people watched.
Instead of congratulations to the winning team, and admiration for a game and show well done, the conversations became divisive, and hateful. 

The world is not more divided or hate filled today, than it was in 1865. There are plenty of opportunities for all. Could it be better?

Perfection doesn’t exist, and struggle is where growth lies.

We should always strive to be better, both individually and corporately.
Thankfully, we are free. Which means we are free to speak as ugly as we want to, and say offensive things. I value that freedom. Yet, my  wish is that we would honor that freedom, by respecting it. Just because we are free to insult and tear down and offend, doesn’t mean we should.
It sets us all back when we do. Some things still need (alot of) work. Politics will always be controversial.  Different viewpoints need to be discussed and debated for all of us to grow.  The current lack of respect and civility for our “opponents” hurts us all.
Cam Newton and Beyonce have the opportunity to be real leaders, and reach people all over the country. The presidential candidates have the spotlight for the rest of the year.  It would be great to see some leadership and speach worthy of the office. The barrage of insults, innuendo, and back stabbing tears down the credibility of all.
Its funny to find myself sounding like my parents, preaching the Golden Rule. It only makes sense.  Good manners, civility, and respect for all are more effective than intentional discord. To accomplish anything,  it is a faster and more direct path to winning as a leader.

I will start with self control. I reap what I sow. Regardless of the circumstances,  how I act and respond is up to me. I want good results, I will speak and act as if others want the same, for I am no better than they. My “opponents” are worthy of a game well played or a fight fought well.  I will bring my best, and I will look for the best in others. 
I will accomplish my goals, and be most effective by lifting up those around me.

— Cam Newton’s Authenticity Is Highly Questionable

http://j.school/post/138929002320/cam-newtons-authenticity-is-highly-questionable

paradigm shift/ new lens

Change the lens through which I see the world.

The view I have is covered by a filter, created in my childhood and by my life experiences.
I pray for a fresh perspective to see my life, the people in it, and the world.

I want a paradigm shift in my thoughts, prayer life, and a new view .

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These words above were written over a year ago. I jotted them down, without a plan for them- just a note to myself. Today, I was gifted with a conversation. A blessing from an unexpected source, seemingly out of the blue. A random compliment was given to me. The giver was well intended, looking at my accomplishments (ha!) and claiming to “want to be like me, one day.”

What he fails to see….is what I see. I see an accomplished and charismatic man, upon the threshold of his own success. He works tirelessly to lift others up, or at least brighten the day. I know enough of his story to understand the filter he looks at himself through. The words I spoke came from within me, without hesitation.

“Look at yourself as if you are meeting yourself today- what you will see is not what YOU see.”

His filter was put in place a long time ago. His adult life has been spent trying to shed or change an image he has of himself. The specifics I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe too fat, too ugly, not smart enough, not quick enough….ideas cemented in place a long time ago by mean kids in middle school, or an unworthy parent or relative. His self image was colored by a real or imagined flaw of some sort. Whether those flaws existed or not- he has overcome them. In the time I have known him, I have never seen them. Yet they color his personality, evident in his care and concern for others as he works. A gift, really. The flaws he sees in himself has caused him to grow into a person better than he ever would have been without said flaws. Yet he cannot see it.

The filter we look at the world and ourselves through colors and distorts our vision. Where and when we pick that filter up doesn’t matter as much as when we recognize it for what it is. It is a distortion of the person God sees. No matter where it comes from, it is harmful. It mutates our thinking, and keeps us from reaching our full potential. Could our potential be unlocked if we shed the lens through which we see?

I reread the words I wrote a year ago. A new view on life AND a paradigm shift in my thinking has truly taken place. Funny, though, that I asked and received it- yet didn’t notice it except in someone else. I truly hope my friend will take a hard look at himself now- as he is today, and believe what others see.

What distortion (or lies) do I believe? My faith tells me I am loved by God, was loved before I was created, and promised a glorious future. I am forgiven my flaws and a made new as a child of Christ. The parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) shows like the prodigal son, I am welcomed and loved regardless of my past mistakes and flaws. 1 Corinthians 6:12 says I have been washed and sanctified and justified by Christ. Do I believe it? Do I now go through my days, rejecting my old way of thinking and living as a new creation? 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.           2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

I know I am not worthy – but I also know I am grateful. Grateful for the insight and wisdom that comes with age and maturity; earned through the pain of many mistakes. My paradigm shift happened at some point after I asked. I’m not sure when, or how.  I prayed and expected to see God move. Then I got busy, and didn’t notice when He answered.

Today was the day I received a new perspective, and more importantly, shared it with someone who will share it some more. Here’s to you, Coach Rob and all the lives you will touch.

 

Reactive vs Proactive

Random stuff happens sometimes. Circumstances are rarely perfect. In relationships, we have no control over another person. People react badly sometimes.
Sometimes people we love disappoint us. Sometimes they hurt us.
(Without looking further into intent.)

Favorable outcomes are sometimes beyond my control.
How do I react when things don’t go my way? There are two types of responses that I can immediately choose: proactive or reactive.
Am I humble enough to acknowledge that I am not the center of the universe?
Wise enough to accept I cannot control the people around me? Each person has their own journey, which includes their own lessons, hills, and valleys.
I can only control myself: my words, thoughts, and actions. I cannot “will ” the results I want. I cannot make someone love me or even like me more. I cannot make someone buy my product. I cannot make others smarter, or change their behavior.
I can act like myself. More importantly – I can become the person I want to be. (Not the selfish, spoiled brat I sometimes am)
I can be kind, and thoughtful, and considerate in my responses- no matter how I feel.
I can love my neighbor. I can reflect the love of Christ, in spite of how I was treated, real or imagined.
Isn’t that what I should aspire to?
I can determine how I will act, regardless of the words and actions of others. My disappointment does not give me permission to react badly. Reacting to circumstances, with emotion, gives my power away, and makes me a victim. Others may have had a bad day, disappointed me, act like selfish asses. My new habit is a proactive and positive response. My responses to others will be centered in God, because I want to please Him.
I will be a lamp and a light. Kind, considerate, and compassionate. I will speak with words that lift up, not tear down. I do not need anyone to meet my shifting standards or needy requirements of love. There are no rules that must be met to determine how I act.
I will be proactive in love, not reactive to circumstances.

B&W trees

I’m an American woman,
Praying for women around the world who are not free.
I awoke this morning, healthy because of the abundance of quality food and clean water, and the excellent healthcare options I can access.
I cooked my family breakfast because I wanted to. We had many options, because our pantry is stocked, and our refrigerator is full.
I could have run to the store and picked up anything I needed or wanted.
I decided to skip church today, just because. I am free to worship, or not. I decided to clean my house, larger than I need and comfortable. A beautiful, warm-ish day in January, I decided to clean up my motorcycle and go for ride. My husband didn’t feel like going, so I went alone. I own my own bike ( a couple of them ) and I don’t need anyone to be with me. I am free to do as I please, ride where I want, stop where I choose.
I own a gun, and I’m glad to honor my countrymen who have died to protect my right to own and carry one. Today I choose not to carry, because I don’t have to. I am not only free, I enjoy the safety this freedom brings.

I am responsible for my actions, and accept the natural consequences of of my choices, good and bad.
I dropped out of high school. And college. I married, became a mother, and divorced. I struggled and was poor for a long time because of my choices. I am grateful I had the freedom to divorce, and change the course of my life. I accept responsibly for the choices I made.
I have started, owned and sold my own businesses. I have worked for others, some worthy and fulfilling jobs, sometimes just hard work for paychecks.
I don’t need any ones permission to succeed, and if I fail, it is of my own doing. That is what freedom guarantees. There is risk and reward, and I like choosing how much I want to risk, gambling for reward.
My daughter attends a private Christian school, which I pay for. I have the right to decide how she will be educated. I have a duty and responsibility to ensure the next generation understands and advances, that they know their place in and declare their piece of history.

Women around the world who don’t have the opportunities or choices need my prayers. Many of them, in our own country and around the world, don’t even know what they don’t have. Freedom has so many layers. Those who are not free are not able to fathom the depth of freedom. Those who are free, we take it all for granted, and are irresponsible with it.
I am grateful to be an American woman, raising a child who will surpass me, able to do so because of the efforts of those who came before me.

I am a woman with a lot to say and many opinions. What woman doesn’t?
I’m sad to think of the many woman living under sharia law, or in situations that prevent them from thinking, speaking ,arguing, succeeding, failing, growing, living, loving. Feeling the pains, joys and peace of this life. Because I am a woman, I want to help.
I embrace my nature. I’m glad to be powerful, not in physical strength but because God gave me a brain with ability. I have a conscience, and a heart. Can we not use our brains, abilities, hearts and collective concience, to start the the conversations that lead to change?

Insignifigance

Seek God first. Over morning coffee, I realize I am
Insignificant.

Praise and Gratitude.

Accepting and embracing humility has been harder than I could have imagined.  As I mature, I can go deeper into humility, and each time I dig deeper, I find more. More pride that needs to be eradicated , more relief as I ask for forgiveness yet again.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves      Philippians 2:3_ ESV

I have found it easy to read over that and pay it lip service. Politeness dictates that we go through the motions of civil humility. That verse has been unshakable recently for me. It dawned on me this morning, in a sudden “Aha” moment when I realized maybe I should study it further and pray about it.
This came after my waking thoughts this morning: “Seek God first”, and later, “insignificant “.
Thankfully, I have the time today to go deeper into it. I am especially grateful I now have the desire to search myself and seek God’s word about it.

I am insignificant and I am not needed in the world. The world will continue to spin, the sun will rise and set, and years will pass. It almost stings a bit to acknowledge,and I am astonished at the depths of my pride. Like a well that continues to bubble up, it seems pride will never run out for me. I am glad I recognize it more quickly now, when it seeps into me, contaminating my thoughts and spirit.

I am finding more joy in counting others as more significant than myself, allowing God to work through me. As I do so, it becomes self fulfilling.  I feel more comfortable with my insignificance, (in true humility) as what I do takes on more meaning for others,  because my service is becoming more self-less. When I get out the way of God, (stop controlling or planning what I think would be best) he is free to move powerfully, and has greater impact than anything I could have accomplished on my own.

God’s plan is bigger and better than anything I can imagine or conceive.  It is not a plan that is relative to me.
I am insignificant to this world, in the manner that would matter to me, and my pride. I am not insignificant to Him. I cannot fathom the depth of His love for me,  I cannot imagine the greater depth and dimensions He created in my spirit. He is my creator,  and His plans are good. I praise my Lord and Savior, and thank him for the insight and wisdom he gives me.

Accepting my insignificance,  with gratitude and praise,  clears the way for significant and impactful life to happen.

 

 

photo: oil on canvas by Colin Lederman